It still came...

One thing I told myself at the beginning of the year is that I must become stronger. It is not a want, it is a MUST. I have actually grown used to dealing with most things on my own. From daily mundane things to the demands of work and life. So I have in the midst of all these, learned to control my emotions, swallow my tears... Yes, one thing I told myself is not to cry.

Yet on the 3rd day of this 2008, I have cried 3 times already.

The first, when I received some negative news regarding a couple very close to me.

The second, on the train when I was reading a book.

The third, when I was watching a short film in studio Ghibili.

I shall elaborate on the 3rd only.

Studio Ghibili is the company in Japan which had produces a lot of famous Japanese animations like "My Neighbour Totoro", " Spirited away" and "Howl's Moving Castle". I visited it today with Shin , her sister and her brother-in-law who are in Tokyo for a trip. It was small and hardly what you categorise as fantastic... but it had a very homely feeling about it.

The film was a short 15mins one. It was on Mei and Chibi Neko Bus ( from Totoro).

The story began with chibi Neko bus (kid cat bus) getting lost and trapped in the house of Mei. The cat bus begin to panic and was calmed down eventually by Mei who offered him a wide grin and a caramel sweet. He then came back in the middle of the night to bring her on a adventure to the land where the totoros reside.

It was short, sweet yet very endearing. One fact about Totoro is that he is the spirit of the forest and can only be seen by children, who are supposedly the purest at heart. As I looked at the grins of Mei-chan and Totoro, it occurred to me how wonderful it once was to smile like that. As a child, we all smile and laugh only when we were happy. But as a adult, we are required to put on a smile all the time. Is it part of growing up? Maybe that's why children prefer the company of another. That's because they can laugh and play with the purest agenda at heart.

I am thankful for all the friends around me whom I can laugh and joke with geninuely... Yet, I have lost the ability to cry in front of people actually... I wondered secretly in my heart, if Totoro appears in front me, will I be able to see him? Not because I have grown up but because there are just too many things going on within me that has hindered my view.

As the film finished, I got up and turned to leave.

I caught another lady behind me wiping her tears away as well...

Is she also thinking about the same things?