How much more??

More " complaints" on work.

I have not really worked with any friends I know before except for some short stints, so no one really know the real me at me.

I am quiet. ( yes... don't be so surprised). I joke and talk at times yes.. but hardly ever being the one to start the ball rolling.

I keep to myself mostly. I refrain from discussing private details ( unless being pryed into)

I never gossip nor badmouth any colleague to another colleague. ( that's that I complained like mad to my friends!)

I hardly say No to any task given to me. nor complain to my boss about my workload.

see.. I'm the perfect little angel.. ( hiakk)

That's why both of my former working partners , also my direct supervisors ( both outsourced to different sites) told my present direct boss on separately occassions that I am not the type to voice out my difficulties so he mustn't take me for granted.

My direct boss is a good person and I know that he is trying his best and he is already like up till his neck. So most of the time.. ( in fact all of the time), I find it impossible to complain directly to him. Everytime he talks to me, I just find myself saying ok.... I will just press on more. I must not bring more troubles to him who is already so busy...
so in the end the case is forever unresolved.

Recently however, it has gotten worst with increased workload ( that's ok) but he not informing me in advance! ( that's rude)
not to mention the new girl whom I have to treat like a primary school kid. My friend told me that I have to go down to her level and teach her in ways she can absorb.
To me it is equals to teaching a primary school kid. As a responsible working adult, she should be the one to find ways to learn!

I feel that I am also loosing myself.. ( or discovering a new me) I never really remembered ever so pissed and angry at someone all the time. I don't even feel like having a normal conversation with her...

I remember this line in Inuyasha comic where one of the characters say :"私が私じゃなくなります”
Which rougly translates to I will not be me anymore...

I feel the same somehow.. like I am evolving into someone whom I don't really recognised anymore...

I am lost too between these questions,

Am I not doing enough?
Do I have more room for improvement?
Do I have to work even harder?
Am I am not suitable for the job?
or it is time to feedback to my boss directly?

But unfortunately... no one can answer me now I guess except God.

Yes... seek Ye first the Kingdom of God.

Need to pray and ask and SEEK!!

Btw... I just deleted a mail written this morning intending to tell my boss that are too many grey areas and things at work I find it hard to handle.

sighzzz