Forgiveness….

Last week, at a seminar in church, we were taught on the topic of forgiveness.
My pastor shared with us on that when he was still a young youth pastor, he met someone in church one day. That person appeared to be very “dark” and quiet so my pastor approached him and began to make friends with him. They got on very good terms and the guy will often visit him at his house and they will talk for hours.
Then the pastor’s wife got pregnant and he had to spend more time taking care of her especially nearing her delivery date. He started to spend a little lesser time with that guy, though still very concerned about him. However, he received a letter from that guy, a long 16-page letter. In the letter, the guy wrote about how he pitied the pastor’s wife and even his unborn child because he knows this pastor isn’t going to be neither a good husband nor father. He also pitied the rest of his friends and people around him…

To cut the long story short, the pastor avoided the guy until he was about to move to another state when the guy came up to him and they made up.

So his question was how do we response to such situations?

Often, we try to stand up for our own rights, say things in defense of ourselves or our situations. But what is our intention behind it? It could be for the benefit for the person (often not tho!), to show that we are right and the person is wrong, to feel a sense of superiority, to make sure we do not get stepped on…. And it goes on…

And then the pastor’s challenge was, will you say, “Ok, I forgive you.” And no more?

I had such a challenge today.

About some time ago, I lent about 1000USD to a friend, A touring in Japan because A did not change enough money then and also didn’t want to incur credit card nor exchange rate charges by withdrawing from a bank. The money was not meant for any emergency purposes but just for shopping. A assured me that I will get the money back in 3-4 months’ time because he/she over-shopped and needed some time to save up.

I was ok with it because I didn’t really needed the money urgently.
So 3-4 months crawled pass and there were no news from A….
So I decided to drop a casual message on FB to A to check if he/she still remembered the issue.

And the first reply I got was, “Oh I was thinking of getting B (another common friend of ours from the same country as A but also staying in Tokyo) to pass you the money when he comes back for a visit or pass you the money the next time we meet.

Hmm… But we have no plans to meet at all for the rest of the year nor even the next yet… and what was the talk about giving me the money back in 3-4 months’ time? I mean A could have the courtesy to drop me a msg…
But well I told A it is ok for the time-being just wanted to check what was going on and could be using some money because I will be travelling end of year.

So A said that he/she will send the money to me by the end of the year before my trip.

Then 2 days before this, he/she wrote another message to me saying that the rates now are very high and will thus wait till the rates drop or save up more and then return the money to me.

When I first heard that, I was actually pretty pissed. I have known A for a couple of years now, been through quite a lot of fun times together and I know A is not someone who doesn’t want to return the money. But because A comes from quite a well-to-do family and is working for the family, A does not really value each dollar and cent. If it was your intention to return the money to me by the time you promised, you would have save up a little by little every month, and not go for an Europe trip ( yes A did) and then come back crying to me saying you don’t have enough money? So do I have to wait till the rates drop? When will that be?

I wasn’t upset because I badly want my money back. I am just upset at A’s lack of sense of responsibility and accountability.

See? My anger is justified right??
Or so I thought…

On the way to work on the train today, I felt God whispering into my ear....
Despite all the “right justifications”, will you hold back all the anger and say to your friend, “It is ok. I understand. (and I forgive you like how God forgave me too. )

But I want to give A a piece of my mind!!

Yes… I know you do… but will you still released the same grace you received from me to your friend unconditionally? came God’s gentle whisper.

Sometimes we try to “comfort” ourselves and say, “It is ok, God will punish that person.” I don’t really agree with that. Because seriously speaking, not all villains do get a nasty ending.
But I think God is more concern about the condition of our heart rather that person. He wants our heart to be focused on the things ahead rather than but jailed by the thoughts of when the person will be punished, how the person should be punished etc… Forgiveness is not a condition of our heart. It is a decision (and may I add, an evidence to show we are appreciating grace and mercy)

Conclusion:I felt so mugh lighter after that. I was able to be thankful I wasn't in a situation I needed the money desperately. I wasn't burdened by A's lack of initiative. I was also able to catch a glimpse of Jesus's heart when he said to God. "Forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.". Trust me, I am not any holier than before. I just felt I kinda understand better why God thinks forgiveness is for the "victim".
I msg A and said it was ok I will wait till he/she is ready.

One more day to the weekend!