Importance of Milestones...

Actually…I kinda gave up updating the blog sometime ago…because everytime I start to write something, I end up taking such a long time to complete it…

By the time I finally complete it, it has seems to lost its relevance or I just don’t feel it reflects what I am thinking/feeling anymore.

Another reason could be the lack of memorable events which qualifies the necessity to be penned down. In fact, I tossed and flipped in my bed for a good 30 mins ( or more) just thinking about this last night…

I was thinking of my life from as young as I could remember till the time I started work officially in Japan. I realized that there are many things I could remember and reminiscence about.

-The first uniform I put on as a preschooler
-My classmate from then whom I still keep in ( not close) contact till now….
-My teacher in kindergarten who has the same name as me….
-The first time I had a crush on the boy who sat beside me in Pri. 2
-First time something confessed he likes me in Pri. 4
-Boy-gazing at the most popular guy in school in Pri 6 ( prank-calling him together with my friend)

Then…
-Getting into NYGH and changing uniforms ( slightly…)
-Joining a really tough and time consuming ECA ( St John’s) and experiencing for the first time being scolded by neither my parents nor teachers
-Slept in tents and ate from mass tins from outdoor cooking
-Skipping Classes and resulted in being made to write confession letters
-Meeting some of the best friends I ever had in life

-Changing uniforms again in JC… ( had sleeves for once now)
-Experiencing the luxury of waking up later then my peers now for the first time because school was only 10 minutes’ walk away…
-Recalling how it was like having boys who are trying to turn into man in the same class after 4 years in the nunnery
-Going through many emotion rollercoasters while struggling to find my own identity and in the end found really good pals who were though going through the same path yet never hesitated to stretch out their hands.
-Experiencing what I say is the best school time of my life.

Uni….
-First time going to school uniform-less… ( could be a blessing or unfortunate thing depending on how you see it)
-First time away from home on a long-term regular basis to move into the hostel.
-Most relaxed time-table in my school life ever.
-Meeting and sharing unforgettable memories with someone. ( It is unforgettable but not something I think about everyday or want to hold on to)

Then it was studies in Japan and then the ultimate decision whether or not to stay in Japan….

So my point?

I felt that.. Up till the stage I took the courage to try to find work in Japan, my life was always filled with different milestones and events which I can identify to tell me clearly that I am moving forward in life and not stagnant. There was always some event ( spontaneously or not) and my life will always be slightly different after that, be it the graduation from a school and moving on the next phase in life.

But when I looked back at the past 6 years even since I started working in Tokyo, my memories was almost blank… I can recall fun times going out for meals/trips/hiking with friends… yet none of them actually tells me I am moving forward because I experienced zero change in my life.
Maybe that’s why there is this theory that when you are a kid you always feel that time passes very slowly and time passes faster and faster as you age.

I think that’s exactly what I am thinking about now.

Probably the only event that brought about a lifestyle change was when Carol left Japan and I started to shift the furniture around a bit….
And I gasped in horror to know that that was nearly 5 years ago….
Where and what had I done in between? Where did the second half of my precious twenties went to?

Then I realized…. Probably that is the “fate” of adults… There are people out there who never had a chance to pursue their dreams… let alone the chance to even venture out of Singapore.
There are also people who never had a chance to secure a job of their dreams but rather, a job of security to ensure there was always bread on the table.

But I know at this point in life, at the very last end of my twenties, I desperately need a change/ a milestone to ensure myself I was still moving forward not just physically but also mentally.

I don’t want to just age on the outside but remain the same internally.
That’s when I think.. maybe I won’t be satisfied with life even if I go back to Singapore….
I think I might just always feel like an alien inside me when I get pushed around by norms.

Ok.. so that was my thoughts when I was tossing about last night…